


Across the Veil and the Mind

by Gross_Sodas



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Does that thing King did with the time skipping in It, Honestly heavy book based but if you didn't read it you are fine!!, Horror-esque imagery, Kinda character study?, M/M, Memory Loss, More memory regain though, Not exactly book not exactly movie not exactly miniseries, References to all of those, if you read it you know what i mean, style practice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-16 21:28:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21278003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gross_Sodas/pseuds/Gross_Sodas
Summary: Memories.That’s what they had lost.And now that’s what they had.What would they do now?





	Across the Veil and the Mind

Eddie remembers very clearly when his arm broke. He didn’t always, but now he couldn’t shake the thought. He remembers the pain of his arm being twisted against its natural direction, he remembers the bitter taste of the asphalt he was pushed down into. He remembers the bitter cruel laughter, he remembers the snap. 

But that’s not all he remembers.

Eddie remembers Richie. He remembers the loud famously “trash-mouthed” boy that always called him cute. Eddie remembers saying he hated it, but he couldn’t help but secretly feel otherwise about it. Richie repeated it often, but still each and every time Eddie felt the same pull in his gut. It had worried Eddie at first, that pull, but soon he just had to accept it as all his pills couldn’t do a damn thing to change it. 

Eddie remembers Richie’s nickname for him. Richie was the only one that called him “Eds” and Richie did it even more often then calling him cute. Which, was quite the problem as it pulled at his gut even more if that was even physically possible then being called cute. 

Eddie also remembers the leper at that house near the train yard, that horrible decrepit house at 29 Neibolt Street. 

“I’d do it for a quarter.” 

Eddie didn’t want to get sick. 

“I’d do it for a dime.” 

Eddie wouldn’t get sick would he? 

“I’d do it for a nickel.”

Eddie couldn’t get sick. 

“I’d do it for free.” 

Eddie was careful. 

Eddie was so careful in fact, that every now and then when he was on his way home from somewhere, he would take breaks as to not overexert himself.

It wasn’t as if he always stopped at the kissing bridge on purpose. 

It wasn’t as if he found a certain thing that caught his attention and made him feel the pull in his gut deeper and deeper every time he looked it over again. 

No. 

That wasn’t it. 

And as deep as the pull could go, it always went the deepest when a certain phrase was said. 

“Eddie, my love 

\- 

what the hell are you doing?” Richie punctuated his sentence with a rolled scoff as he gestured at the offending object. 

“I’m unpacking, I’m not allowing myself to get sick.” Eddie replied, shaking each medicine bottle he had as he picked it up. 

“God just looking at all of that makes me-gk-gkkkkk!” Richie shook his head after his exaggerated gag. “I don’t understand how you haven’t been put on like a watchlist for buying all this shit.” 

Eddie just continued to search around his bag, and as much as he was just generally unpacking his medicine, he was also looking for something. Something wasn’t sitting right in his stomach, and he wanted to tend to that before it became a full blown situation. 

As if he wasn’t already in a full blown situation, the Derry Town House wasn’t the best place in the entire world to be. He knew he wasn’t safe here, in fact he knew he wasn’t safe anywhere in town and that just made the whole situation so much _better!_

The infection in Derry ran so deep after all, Eddie wasn’t even sure if he had the antibiotics to treat something like that. 

Richie cleared his throat. “Driving limos seems fun, maybe you should move out to Beverly Hills so I can ride in style to the station every day.” He clicked his tongue and shot a finger gun in Eddie’s general direction. 

Heh... Eddie thought... Myra... well, she sure would hate that! 

“And deal with you all the time?” Eddie couldn’t hide his slight chuckle in his pronunciation of ‘time’, it was the E that got him. “God, I’d just get so annoyed from listening to all your voices!” 

“Hey! That’s the money maker right there! My whole shtick! If I didn’t know you were so spa-ghett-i brained I would never forgive you!” The syllables in spaghetti reached new heights by accompanying the overly dramatic and drawn out delivery. 

\- 

The Derry Town House was gross to say the least. Dust clogged the veins and arteries of the entire building, it was surprising the thing was still around considering that. Most would have assumed the whole place would have succumbed to a heart attack at this point. 

But no, this was Derry. And nothing bad ever leaves Derry, and no good ever enters it either. 

_Gross._

If someone wanted to try and put a positive spin on the dust, they may describe it as “glittering particles, dancing within the sun’s heavenly beams that valiantly stride through the glass panes of the majestic, oaky walls.” 

They would be a liar though! 

Because! 

The Derry! 

Town House! 

_SUCKS!!!!_

But putting aside all the dust, and the oaky walls that surrounded the building, making it seem like it was closing in, just waiting... just waiting, just waiting to suffocate you and everyone inside, _wouldn’tputitpastthatclown!_

Richie’s thoughts were scattered at the least, but it would most likely be the most accurate to describe them as going a thousand miles a minute. In fact, a thousand miles might not even really set in place the exact speed at which these thoughts were going. They were just running and going so fast it was hard to keep track, anyone would have trouble keeping track of these thoughts-

_ohgeezthere’sjustsomuchgoingonthereohwow! _

No one wanted to be back in Derry, if anyone said they did they had to be fucking fucked up in the head or some shit. 

Richie had come in, dead set on the idea that everything will be terrible and he’ll probably die and nothing will change. It was just swarms and swarms of negativity, a thick haze of disgust just clogging up the brain with all its ooze. Richie could just imagine the gross brain liquid just filling up and up and up, not finding enough room in the skull! Ugh! He could just feel it seeping into his eye sockets, expanding a pressure behind his eyeballs. The liquid would overwhelm the optic nerve or whatever, pushing the eyeballs out onto the floor. Richie’s empty eye sockets would leak and leak the disgusting liquid, and his eyes would roll around on the floor where ever they so pleased. 

But then he remembered. 

He remembered The Aladdin, which had all the stupid movies he would blow all his allowance on, even though he always was able to convince his parents to give him more. 

He remembered the barrens, and the stupid dam they built. He remembers how rocks and rocks and rocks look being flung out into the air. He remembers the clubhouse. 

He remembered the werewolf, the claws, the teeth, oh, the drool. Spilling out in waves and waves over the fuzzy muzzle in thick streams. But that wasn’t the worst part, that never was and never would be. No, that award would have to go to the jacket. It would always be the jacket. 

Richie also remembers the past, from even before Derry even existed. Richie remembers watching It’s arrival, he can vividly see the flora of the era and the creatures around him. 

He doesn’t like to think about it. 

And sure, there are lots of things in Richie’s life he doesn’t like to think about. There’s his failed relationships of course, but that just had to be scratching the surface. 

But maybe now wouldn’t be the best time to dive into that. There was other things to do. 

Other things to remember.

Richie remembers teasing, not the kind he and the rest of the gang endured from Bowers. No, not that. He remembers teasing from a gentler place, a place with more compassion behind it. 

Richie remembers how Eddie always said he hated it. 

But Richie wasn’t sure about that, after all he couldn’t remember a time where Eddie exactly swatted away a hand that possibly was pinching his cheek.

Or maybe he just didn’t want to remember that-? 

No, no. Richie liked it more the first way. 

\- 

Eddie couldn’t remember why he married Myra. Well, he was sure he married Myra for some type of reason. But, that reason was probably that he really felt that clock tick tick tick tick ticking down, pressure building up up and up. 

He knew he wasn’t the happiest around Myra, but hey that’s just marriage right? 

At least she listened to Barry Manilow! 

Myra was overbearing sure, and sometimes she felt like an endless ocean that Eddie had fallen into. God he was sinking, and sinking fast. Water was filling his lungs and he couldn’t do anything about it. Those wedding rings and government papers were his cement shoes. And the more and more he choked out for air the worse and worse it got. 

But whatever, not remembering why he married Myra and how he feels about his current relationship wasn’t important. Eddie actually didn’t think about it much at all. Well, he didn’t think about it much at all until he got that phone call. 

He started to really think about it then. 

Oh fuck! If he dies, he’s going to have died married to Myra. 

His relationship with Myra, yeah that had to be a problem if that was a thought that came to Eddie’s mind. 

Eddie dragged the center of his palm down his face, and began to mutter to himself. 

“I really don’t like 

\- 

that you kept up that habit, Richie.” It was the start of a conversation they haven’t had many times before, but one that Eddie wished they had. “It’s been twenty-seven years! And you’re still smoking!” 

Richie rolled his eyes. “What Eds? What’s the problem?” He considered blowing some smoke into the other’s face, but decided against. He thought that Eddie would look too sad and get too angry. Richie threw the cigarette on the ground instead, crushing it with the heel of his shoe. He turned his attention back to Eddie, throwing on a smile that would only be described as the biggest dumbass expression he could muster. “Did that make you any happier?” 

He hoped it did. 

It didn’t. 

“It would make me the happiest if you quit.” Eddie flung his wrist, causing his hand to move in a frantic motion. “It only makes your breath smell like ass even more than it usually does.” 

Richie let out a snort, and smiled a bit. “Awwwwwwwww, I didn’t realize you careeeeeeed so much about me!” He held back the urge to pinch Eddie’s cheek. He just replaced that with ruffling his hair though, it probably gave the same effect anyways. 

It was just as soft as Richie remembered. 

Eddie groaned and attempted to push the hand out of his hair, but not really. He didn’t, mind? Or at least he didn’t mind as much as he thought he would, maybe thought he should? 

Richie finally stopped though, and that signaled for Eddie to respond he guessed. 

“Richie! Now my hair is gonna’ smell like smoke! You asshole!”

Eddie’s face frowned in just the same way Richie had recently remembered it did. 

“Consider it a gift, Eds.”

\- 

The Aladdin theater was not the nicest place ever, sure. But honestly, could any place in Derry be described as the nicest place ever? No, no it couldn’t. But hey, The Aladdin showed horror movies. And guess what? Can you guess it? Richie fucking loved those horror movies, and by extension he fucking loved that little theater.

Yeah yeah, the little theater didn’t love him back of course. Mrs. Cole probably would have had his guts if he had hanged around the ticket sale booth more than he already had. 

But, he wouldn’t have given up that little theater and those memories for the world. 

And seeing that that theater had shut down? Well, one could only say that it severely bummed Richie out. 

Sure sure, the movies they played weren’t any good! Honestly, Richie couldn’t even remember all the movies he saw. All but one you know? 

“I Was a Teenaged Werewolf”! Man, that fucking movie that would never be forgotten. Expect for the fact that it was slightly already forgotten! But hey hey, now that it was back in the memory, that movie wouldn’t leave the mind. 

Richie wasn’t a really big fan of werewolves after that summer, and that wasn’t something he forgot either. The reasoning behind it may have slipped through the cracks in the slobbery and disgusting, disgusting jaws; but the hatred lingered. 

And despite all the time that Richie went to the movies, he really didn’t go with his friends. He could only really recall that one time he went with Ben and Beverly. 

Heh, he wondered if Beverly still knew those yo-yo tricks. Maybe he’d ask, but he probably wouldn’t. 

Richie thinks that he would have really liked going to The Aladdin with Eddie. Richie knew that Eddie wasn’t the biggest horror fan, and he bet he would’ve jumped a lot. 

He smiles slightly at the thought. 

Eddie’s mom would never have allowed that though, Mrs. Kaspbrak had her son on such, such a short and tight leash. It was a surprise he didn’t choke to death! He could imagine it now, that leash tightening and tightening and tightening. Eddie turning blue in the face, the skin straining around the neck. He could hear, the gross sound of a straining throat. Hell! If Eddie pulled enough to get away, he might even get decapitated! 

No, no, no, no, _nonononononono. _

Richie decided he didn’t like that thought at all. 

He wouldn’t let Eddie end up in a fridge. 

\- 

“Eddie Spaghetti, Eds, Eddie, Eddie, Eds, Eds, Eddie, Eddie.” Richie rambled, slightly bothered by the fact that Eddie wasn’t giving him his full attention. “Eddie, Eddie, Eds, Eddie Spaghett-.” 

“What the fuck do you want Richie?” It wasn’t noticeable, but Eddie’s sentence was punctuated with the faintest smile. 

“Fuck Derry, fuck this stupid clown shit. I’ve seen It come, I don’t want to see It leave.” The ending e in leave was given an extra hint of annoyance. “Let’s ditch! Come on, let’s go see a movie, or go get dinner or some shit. Anything to get out of this dumb fuck of a town.” 

“Richie you know I-“ Eddie stopped. He knew how he was going to have finished that sentence, Richie you know I’m not allowed to go out! Eddie could barely get out for the time he spent out of his house! But... that wasn’t the case anymore was it-? No, no it wasn’t. She was dead, and sure there might be a replacement that’s going to be pissed as all hell when she find out about this whole rendezvous. But hey! She wasn’t able to find out right now. 

Still, Eddie’s conscience wouldn’t let him get away with not ending this shit. 

He knew that went for Richie’s too. 

Everyone wanted It dead. 

It was bullshit Richie said he didn’t want to see it leave. 

“We can’t right now!” Eddie picked up again. “But I’ll make up for missing movies with you later, you dumbass.” 

“Oh I’ll hold you to it, Eds.” 

Richie knew it possibly wouldn’t happen though. 

He wasn’t sure why though. 

\- 

Something about the walk downwards make it even more terrifying. 

It was tunnels upon tunnels upon tunnels. 

Would there be a minotaur at the center of this labyrinth? Or just a stupid asshole of a clown? Not even a clown, they knew that. 

Honestly, everyone would have probably preferred a minotaur now, on just thinking about it. 

But beggars can’t be choosers. 

They didn’t beg for this anyways. 

What they were begging for they didn’t know. 

\- 

Being down there, fighting it was horrifying. 

Eddie knew it would be sure, but knowing something and experiencing something are two very, very different things. 

Eddie knew he never was the most useful. He wasn’t the bravest, or the strongest. 

Hell, he was always more of a mouse than a man. 

But Richie, he was being so brave. Plunging himself right after Bill to help, doing all he could. 

Eddie knew couldn’t just ignore Richie’s pleas for help. 

Eddie knew if he was going to do something, now would have to be the time. 

\- 

Fuck this couldn’t be happening. How could he let his happen? It wasn’t supposed to happen, it wasn’t supposed to happen, _it wasn’t supposed to happen, it wasn’t supposed to happen!_

Richie knew it was his fault too. He was the one that needed help. He was the one that couldn’t bite the tongue good enough. 

All the battery acid in the fucking world couldn’t stop the fucker it seemed. 

Oh, he wanted It dead. He wanted it to suffer. He wanted it to feel the coldness creeping, crawling, slithering a way into it’s fucking horrid existence. 

Richie wanted to tear It limb from limb. He wanted to, he wanted to so badly. 

He didn’t give a shit about anything in this moment. He wished he fucking died when Bill thought he had, he wished he wasn’t such a dumb bitch, he wished he didn’t do everything, he wished he had done everything. 

It was a mess. 

The worst part, was staring the situation dead on. 

Eddie lost his arm, it was grotesque rivers upon rivers spilling out of the empty shoulder. 

Richie wanted it to be him instead so badly, so badly, so badly, _so badly. _

Richie knew that Eddie did it out of bravery, did it out of wanting Richie to be safe, Richie knew and knew and knew. 

God, Eddie was so stupid! Richie didn’t give a fuck about the reasoning, he didn’t care, he couldn’t care. He can’t even imagine him sliding his arm down the nasty, disgusting vile throat just to save him. 

Eddie must have hated it so much. 

Richie was crying, every part of him was crying. It wasn’t fair! He’s going to rip this planet apart at its seams, he couldn’t stand this. 

“Eds-“ It was strained, Richie didn’t even feel like it sounded like himself. He didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what to do. If this was one last nightmare, one last illusion by that stupid fucking bitch of a clown it sure got him good.

Eddie coughed, it sounded wet. “...-Chee, d-don’t call me Eds. You know I... -Chee you know I....” It was pained, a breath for every word. A shaky life behind every delivery. 

Richie didn’t know what to say when he saw the light go out in Eddie’s eyes. 

He knew the rest of the Loser’s Club was yelling at him, attempting to pry him away. 

But he just held on tighter and tighter. 

“Guys! No, we-we can’t j-just leave...” A sob broke up Richie’s sentence. “He doesn’t like the dark! And the d-dirt! I-Its far too gross and dirty, I can’t... I can’t leave...” 

The pulls to drag him away grew stronger. 

He wouldn’t let them win, he couldn’t let them win. Eddie was right here! He couldn’t just stay down here, he wouldn’t just stay down here. 

And only in blocking out all other things around him, did Richie hear the Call. 

**You can save him.**

**You can _fix_ this.**

**You _know what_ to do. **

In the back of his mind Richie, Knew the Call. 

He knew that this would be his only option, and he knew that if he didn’t take the opportunity now he would never be able to do it again. 

He couldn’t avoid it.

He decided to try and avoid it for a minute. 

He decided to remember. 

\- 

Richie of course didn’t remember all good things about Eddie. And as close to an angel Richie made him out to be, it wasn’t true. But, the things Richie despised about Eddie wasn’t even entirely fair! 

Because Richie had exhibited the same thing too. 

They all looked at Bill with, agonizing dedication. It was a unspoken unifier. But, did Richie like watching Eddie look at Bill that way? 

He sure the _FUCK_ did not. 

Why couldn’t he look at him? Why couldn’t he have all of his attention? Why couldn’t he be the one? Why couldn’t he? Why couldn’t he? 

... Would he have it-? Would he have it after-? After now? 

\- 

**Here he lay dead and all you can do is _ponder,_ silly boy.**

Richie held Eddie tighter, the world flowing away around him. 

The universe turning to mush, the memories he already thought he had remembered flooding back at a force unimaginable. 

The emotions were high, and the stakes may be even higher. 

But, he knew it was no risks and all rewards. 

This Call wasn’t one to danger. 

Nothing else mattered right now. 

Would anything else matter again? 

There was only one way to know. 

Richie held Eddie’s face in his hands, and kissed him on his cheek. 

If one asked him why he did that, he would probably say he didn’t know. But fuck, Richie knew well enough. 

**Nothing has happened yet, boy. **

Richie whispered into Eddie’s ear. It would only be fair to do so after all. 

“You know Eds, I always loved you.” 

He kissed him again, full on. 

\- 

They stood at the edge of the destruction. The standpipe had burst, destroying the whole town in its wake. A death of the infection, a death of the disease that had ran so very deep in that fucking town. 

It marked an entrance into a new era, a new session. 

Eddie sobbed into Richie’s side. 

“I don’t want to go back, I don’t want to go back. If I see her again I’ll be ruined.” 

Richie wanted to pat his back, give some sort of comfort. He didn’t. Because he really didn’t know what to do honestly, there was still a major injury that hadn’t been attended to. 

“You don’t have to, Eds.” Richie offered, it was a somber tone. Eddie thought it didn’t fit Richie very much at all, but the moment didn’t call for that kind of thought. 

“I won’t be able to support myself anymore, Richie. I lost my arm, I can’t drive- I can’t-! Oh fuck, what am I going to do!” Eddie’s remaining arm grasped at Richie’s shoulder. It was tight, but not constraining. 

“Hey, hey, hey.” Richie offered a calming smile, or a smile he wanted to be calming rather. There was still some anxieties behind it, not enough for Eddie to notice in his frantic state though. “I’ll take care of you.” 

“Richie, I-.” Eddie started, but was cut short when Richie grabbed his only hand.  
Eddie sighed in response. “I can’t ask you to do that!” 

“If your head wasn’t so full of spaghetti I’d be mad.” Richie gave a quiet laugh. “You’re not asking me, you dumbass.” 

Eddie started to cry, and everything started to go black. Whether it be from stress or pain or blood loss, all he knew was that it was a great way to get out of that situation. 

He woke up in a hospital bed, in god knows where. Hopefully anywhere but Derry. 

\- 

It wasn’t Derry he woke up in, and he didn’t go home to New York either. Eddie followed Richie out to Los Angeles, it was there where he finalized his divorce papers. He couldn’t even bear to look that woman in the eyes again, and besides Eddie knew he wasn’t getting any of the Barry Manilow albums. His whole collection would be hers. 

That was a small price to pay for finally being happy though. 

The arm was a much steeper price. 

Eddie took a breath, and reached to hold Richie’s hand. 

Richie smiled in response.

Eddie remembered it. He thinks he’ll remember it for a long time, and he’s dead set on not forgetting it. 

“Hey Richie?” Eddie asked, it was casual. 

“Yeah Eds?” Richie emphasized the nickname, Eddie still pretended to hate it once and a while. You know, just for old times sake. But, it was mainly because he didn’t want to forget again. It would be torture to forget again. 

“I love you.” There wasn’t any guilt behind Eddie’s confession. There wasn’t any strain like when he said those three words to Myra, no feeling of explicit wrongness and internal nausea that no medicine in his cabinet could fix. 

It felt right. 

Eddie doesn’t think he’s going to feel like he’s drowning anymore. And sure, he didn’t know what the future held for the two of them, but hell it had to be better than what the past did. 

Richie pinched Eddie’s cheek. Richie thinks he missed doing that, scratch that he was positive he missed doing that. 

He was going to do that a lot more now. 

“I love you too.” Richie shook his head slightly, trying to remember the exact wording he used on that day. “Actually! I’ve always loved you, Eds.”

**Author's Note:**

> I FUCKING love Stephen King. I want a Stephen King tattoo, probably Richie themed honestly. 
> 
> Sorry I'm rusty on writing but I love Richie and Eddie, they're great characters. I wanted to do a style practice and a sort of character study. 
> 
> Hope you liked this, sorry if they feel out of character. I'm not an It expert! Wish I was, but I've read It three times, seen the miniseries five times, saw It (2017) twice and It: Chapter Two three times. So maybe I'm getting closer to that goal, :). 
> 
> Tell me our favorite part of It in a comment so I feel better about writing something so self indulgent! <3


End file.
